He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
