I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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