I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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