just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
