You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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