I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
