Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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