i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
