My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
