fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
