I will die if light touches me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
