Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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