I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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