Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
