I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
