The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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