is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
