soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
