Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
