2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
