Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
