He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
