There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
