I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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