And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
