Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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