im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
