Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
