Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
