i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
