I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
