You can't motorboat a personality
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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