Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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