imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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