he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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