I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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