Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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