Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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