I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
