I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize