You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do vagina's smell?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
