I love black thongs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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