Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
