omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
