I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
