I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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