I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
