okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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