he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina is officially offended.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
