Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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