Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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