Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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