All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
