If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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