You just made me feel so damn special
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
