I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
