At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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