I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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