Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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