I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize