hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
