Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
