we're chasing vodka with high fives
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
