Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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