she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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