I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
