Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Small penises have feelings too.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need water and some morals
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
