if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Randomize
