Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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