oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
