when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
