just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
