Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
