Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
